


Practicing Wit-chcraft

by Dziude



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coldcallers, Doxies, Drabble, F/M, Wit, interruptions, ss/hg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 22:00:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13373922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dziude/pseuds/Dziude
Summary: Sometimes having all the modern conveniences in your new home is less pleasant than expected. Luckily these problems can be easily solved if one has a little.... wit.





	Practicing Wit-chcraft

**Author's Note:**

> Another snippet of silliness I found when cleaning up my computer. Probably from a few years ago, though I don't recall when. Comments & feedback make me happy.
> 
> I have no idea how it works, but you can now find me on tumblr as [DziudeWrites](https://dziudewrites.tumblr.com/).

The telephone persisted, shrilling out again and again in the quiet cottage. With a sigh, Severus Snape put aside his task and stalked towards it.  
  
"Snape." he rapped out.

"Good Afternoon Sir! And how are you today Mr Snope?" the tinny voice of a heavily accented young man babbled from the receiver. "My name is David and I wonder if you could spare a few moments to speak about your home insurance--"

"This is not _my_ house. " Snape stated baldly. His tone did not invite further debate. The young man swallowed nervously, but to his credit, he forged ahead.  
  
"It will only take a few moments, Mr Snope. Is the homeowner in?"

"I believe Doctor Granger is in the other room, hexing doxies."

"I _beg_ your pardon?" The tinny voice sounded perplexed.  "Hexing?"  
  
"I _said_ , she is in the other room, hexing the----"  
  
The rustling of the handset being transferred interrupted the conversation, along with some murmured voices.

" Who is it, Severus? ---- no, no - that's ok, go back to your cauldron. Hello? Hello-  yes, this is she." The woman's voice was crisp and professional sounding, and the salesman almost sighed with relief.  "What can I help you with?"  
  
"I....um.... apologies madam, the gentleman said you couldn't answer the phone as you were practising _witchcraft!_ A good joke, I think maybe, for Hallowe'en! But what I wanted to talk to you about your insurance madam-"  
  
"Practicing witchcraft? What cheek! _Practicing_ witchcraft.." she huffed. "I'll have you know that I am very good at it! Practicing _indeed_!"  
  
The call ended with a sudden click.   
  
In a computer filled office somewhere far, far away, a young man sat staring at his screen and pondering his career choices.  
_If every English person is going to be crazy like this, perhaps I should have chosen the other job after all..._

 

* * *

 

"I told you not to take the cottage with all the Muggle trappings" Snape commented, peering at the mixture he was holding up to the light. "or at least, not plug the damn things in...."

Hermione Granger rolled her eyes as she entered the living room, levitating the last of the frozen doxies into a large bucket.  
  
"I thought the phone at least might be useful. Some _Muggle_ cottage anyway, if it has doxies living in it!" The creature dropped on the pile with a muted _thunk_ , and she dusted off her hands.

  "You shouldn't have any more trouble now, if you get that lot out and clean the place with this." He corked the bottle with his wand and gave it a shake to test the seal.

"Thank you, Severus." Her smile was warm as she laid a hand on his. "Now come on, let's get cleaned up. You reek of knotgrass."  
  
Pests and potions were all but forgotten when her lips met his, but as she tugged him gently towards the stairs, a subtle flick of his hand pulled the cord from the wall. The soft tap of it hitting the floor was no interruption at all.

                        

* * *

  
Click. Beep. Click.  Somewhere in an office far away, the autodialler chugged along, mindlessly dialling the numbers on its unending list.  
Granford, M. Click.  
Granley, I.L. " _The person you have called is busy...."_ Click.  
Grant, G. Click.  
Granger, H.J.  _"We're sorry, the number you have dialled is no longer in service. Goodbye"._ Click.  
Groadley, A. Click.  
The machine whirred on.


End file.
